Spartan Strong
My Story

February 13, 2023 -

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RUN. HIDE. FIGHT.

Those were the three words that my school, Michigan State University, emailed not only myself, but thousands of my classmates and faculty. It was a normal Monday beforehand. I went to work on campus and completed classes as usual. As I walked back to my car to drive home, I even noticed that the sun was out. This was unusual for the middle of the winter in mid-Michigan. 

My husband and I had a friend over to look at his truck that night, so we both stayed in our apartment and played video games together as we waited for the results. My phone screen lit up twice in a row, showing that my mom had texted me a couple of times. I didn't get a chance to read it since being in the middle of a game. If it was something urgent, I knew she would call me. Seconds later, she called me. 

"You're not still on campus, right?" My mom asked. 

"No, I left work a couple of hours ago...why?" I replied, very confused. 

"There is an active shooter on campus." My mom's voice was cold, frozen in fear as she spoke. I had heard what she said, but couldn't comprehend the full picture quite yet. The most disgusting part:

I was not surprised. 

I quickly checked my email and saw the many emails telling all of the students, faculty and staff to RUN. HIDE. FIGHT. I couldn't believe my eyes or what I was hearing. I scrambled to find a way to watch the news on our TV since we did not have cable. So much panic, so much concern. I refused to listen to the police scanner, I feel that would make my fear worse. I found a station that I could stream online and watched as rows of police cars and ambulances filled the streets of my campus, my home. The red and blue lights lit the night sky and the sounds of sirens and helicopters roamed around the town. 

Our friend came back inside from checking on my husband's truck right after my mom called. He said that there were at least three emergency vehicles that sped through our neighborhood towards campus when he was walking back inside. I will never forget the look on his face when I told him why.

All three of us sat in the living room of my small apartment, watching the news, waiting for answers. My husband and our friend were actively checking Twitter for updates as well. There were calls of multiple shooters roaming the streets all over campus from those who were sheltered. Reporters on site saw students in tears being wiped of blood from their injured friends/classmates who were in the two buildings that the shooter was cited, Berkey Hall and the Union. Both were buildings on the busiest street on campus full of shopping, dinning, and bars. Berkey Hall and the Union were popular study areas to students that also had dinning options and classrooms. This was the only information we had for multiple hours. We had no idea how many were responsible, if anyone was deceased, or whether or not they were caught.

"It has been confirmed by the Michigan State Police, there are three that are deceased." My stomach dropped. My own classmates, people my age, innocents...gone. The police had also provided a picture of the main suspect confirmed responsible for this event. However, he remained at large. I remember opening up Google Maps, locating where he was running based on the information given to us by the police. The man was running throughout the entire campus. No one knew exactly where he was or why he wasn't caught. What once was a confined event, became a four hour manhunt for a killer. I knew that logically, this man would no longer be on campus. He could be coming towards us... I had thought constantly. 

Every little thing and noise made me jump. The most basic things, like letting out my 3 month old puppy, became a terrifying thought. My husband volunteered to let him outside and our friend followed him. Little did I know until later that our friend actually went out and grabbed his firearm for our protection. 

After many long hours of wondering where he was, we finally got a public update from the police in a

news conference. They caught him.

The relief I felt was nothing that I have ever felt before. The amount of stress, anxiety, and fear that was going though my head had finally started to lift. I was finally able to cry myself to sleep after such a long night.

There were a total of eight victims, three that died, five in critical condition in the hospital, and thousands among thousands impacted by the tragic events of February 13, 2023. So many shared their stories, thoughts, and prayers. The man responsible took his own life before the police were able to taken him in. He was found by his home located miles away from campus. To this day, we will never know the full reason behind his actions or get to ask him why he killed and hurt so many.

I have personally never known a consistent normal for our world. Within my lifetime, 9/11 had just happened, school shootings became normal in America, lockdown drills became new and necessary, graduating high school and starting college during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now graduating college right after a shooting in my own school. Simple things like going to school never felt completely safe. My generation has experienced trauma on a whole new level that our world was simply not used to. I do not know

what normal used to feel like, but this is normal now.

On my 21st birthday, which was on Sunday, February 19, 2023, I cried throughout the night from the anxiety of knowing that I would have to go back into work the next day for the first time since the tragic event. I could've stayed home for more time to myself, but going back in was the best thing I could have done for my mental health. It was hard, it was scary, I felt unsafe, but I also felt love. There were volunteers filling the halls handing out squish mellows, white roses, coffee, donuts, pizza, stickers, and so much more to the students who had returned. There weren't many of us that first day, but as the week went on, so many came back and the spirits of campus started to lift again. It became a fun place to be rather than one to fear. The most empowering times for me came when I saw the rows of bouquets, encouraging yard signs, and chalk art that invaded the streets in front of every building.

This event, while terrifying, reminded me that there may not be a tomorrow, but I can always hold on to those I love today. I am thankful to have so much support from those around me and am able to have another day to reach my goals and dreams. I know that some were not given that chance, therefore, I will do this for not just me, but for them as well.

Go Green. Go White.

I am Spartan Strong.